| ANGRY KEN | Hello and welcome, comrades, to the message board of The Car Liberation Front. Keeping the fog-lights of freedom shining for the British motorist. I'm Angry Ken, your host and the founding member of the CLF. Here's the message board rules - it's an open and democratic forum to discuss motoring issues. Anyone can post apart from women and cyclists. No seriously we welcome the views of the female members of the motoring community. Cyclists, however, can piss off.
Today's topic is speed cameras. Or as I like to call them Hitler Boxes. Now some people claim that speeding is dangerous, but I have been driving above the 'so-called' speed limit for twenty years and I have been never involved in an accident where anyone has been killed or lost the use of more than one limb. I did kill a dog once, but I was on a Jetski at the time and that doesn't count. Enough of my chat. What does the forum think about speed cameras?
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| MAD MAX 150 | I totally agree. Speed cameras are just another way that the Health and Safety lobby is trying to oppress the British motorist I hate one particular speed Camera installed on the A452, near the Tolworth Roundabout.
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| ANGRY KEN | 'so-called' accident blackspot.?
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| MAD MAX 150 | Three fatalities in a year and suddenly it's worse than the chariot race in Ben Hur. I's on my route home and I've been flashed four times this year alone. My only 'crime' is trying to get home in time to watch Top Gear.
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| EASYRIDER | That opening bit of Clarkson's banter with May and Hammond is pure poetry and certainly worth putting the pedal to the metal for. Frankly the fact that Clarkson has not been given a knighthood yet is proof - if proof were needed - of the liberal establishment's hatred of cars and the truth.
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| KEN | Love of Clarkson is a given on this forum. If it hadn't been for Clarkson's Extreme Machines on DVD and that Tesco's two for one deal on whiskey, I don't know how I'd have got through the first Christmas after Linda left me .But we're OT. Mad Max can't you just set the video for Top Gear?
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| MAD MAX 150 | Option denied. Only my son knows how to programme the digital recorder and the ex-wife has custody during the week.
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| ANGRY KEN | Divorce. We've all been there. Hey Max at least you get to see the kids on the weekends. 
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| MAD MAX 150 | I've tried all reasonable options to deal with this particular Speed camera.
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| EASY RIDER | Surely you didn't slow down. That's giving them what they want.
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| MAD MAX 150 | Hence the use of the word 'reasonable'. I'll slow down when they prise my car keys from the fingers of my cold dead hand.
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| ANGRY KEN | Have you tried that non-reflective paint on your license plate?
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| MAD MAX 150 | I went one better. I painted the whole car with non-reflective paint thereby rendering it invisible to a speed camera and the naked eye. It took me two weeks to find it, after parking it at the Bluewater Shopping Centre. Had to respray it - just not practical.
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| ANGRY KEN | What about protesting to your local council?
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| MAD MAX 150 | No point. Liberal Democrat. They're too busy spending the money they make off speeding fines on schools or lesbian bicycle workshops. So I decided to take the law into my own hands.
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| ANGRY KEN | A plucky English yeoman standing up for his rights. What did you do?
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| MAD MAX 150 | Well my lawyer has advised me not to go into much detail before the trial, but it turns out that in Blair's Britain it is apparently a crime to be caught up a ladder on the A452 with two kilos of home-made explosives.
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| ANGRY KEN | It's political correctness gone mad. Thanks for that Max. Although please don't cite this website at your trial. Tomorrow's topic. Global warming - is it just a conspiracy made up by the bicycle industry to boost sales?
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